A nonprofit publication of the Kentucky Center for Public Service Journalism

Constance Alexander: Personal and professional journeys merge, pave path to road less-traveled


When Mary Thorsby enters a room, she exudes the natural geniality of an extrovert. With a ready smile and a firm handshake, she is the guest who mingles, mixes in easily, and welcomes those on the sidelines to join in. Her Twitter account says she is a “community builder + promoter of all good people, places + things.”

In addition, Ms. Thorsby is self-described as an “excellent cocktail party guest and constant companion to Milo, the world’s cutest spaniel mix.”

Mary Thorsby, Executive Director, gives a manicure to an ABODE resident. (Photo courtesy Mary Thorsby)

Knowing this, one might be surprised to learn that she currently serves as the Executive Director of ABODE Contemplative Care for the Dying in San Antonio, Texas. where her passion to connect and serve others has led her.

Over the years, Thorsby has explored unfamiliar career territory to see where she belongs in the world. That curiosity was probably already obvious when she was a teenager growing up in Mayfield, where her father was plant manager at General Tire.

She went on to Stephens College in Missouri. Next on her itinerary was San Francisco and a successful career in marketing. When she married a Kentuckian and moved to Paducah, she started her own enterprise, iList Paducah, an online service that collected and published regional information about culture, recreation, education, and civic events.

After Paducah, it was on to the University of Louisville’s MBA in Entrepreneurship, a program tailor-made for her skills and experience in strategy, outreach, and marketing communication. Upon graduation, she headed back to the Bay Area, but when her aging mother in San Antonio needed help, it was on the road again.

Sharing caregiver responsibilities with her sister, Mary was inspired to sort through her own life. She learned about the work of the Omega Home Network and ABODE and was drawn to its mission of offering compassionate, interfaith and spiritual care in a contemplative community so those who are dying may leave the world with dignity and grace.

Constance Alexander is a columnist, award-winning poet and playwright, and President of INTEXCommunications in Murray. She can be reached at constancealexander@twc.com. Or visit www.constancealexander.com.

When the executive director position became available, Mary applied and was hired. Since then, her journey has been quieter and more introspective than before, but no less active. Her experiences as a caregiver for her mother helped her understand that the role of a caregiver is complex, sometimes overwhelming, but rewarding in the end.

“There are no rules, no training. Family caregivers are thrown into the role. We have to learn how to ask for help and admit we can’t do it all,” she admits.

Thorsby chokes up as she describes taking care of her mother and how she was reminded – every day – how her mother had tended to her needs as a child and growing up. Those memories helped Mary practice the same tenderness and thoughtfulness she associated with her mother.

Caregiving is not easy, but with the right tools, tranquil and joyful interludes are interwoven with the sobering realities of the dying process.

To assist and equip caregivers with crucial skills and strategies, ABODE provides public programs and workshops. Coming up is Powerful Tools for Caregivers, a 6-session workshop that will meet every Wednesday on Zoom, starting March 30. Sessions last from 3:00 to 4:30 p.m. central time and the cost to participants is $40.

March, Women’s History Month, is a good time to celebrate Mary Thorsby and the ways her personal and professional journeys have merged, leading to a road less traveled.

Three years ago, she probably had no idea giving a manicure to an elderly guest at ABODE would be such an uplifting experience, yet now she recognizes the beauty in that simple act of kindness.


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