The River: As coronavirus wears on, helplessness prevails as does old-time wisdom: ‘Let’s wait and see’

The riverboat captain is a storyteller, and Captain Don Sanders will be sharing the stories of his long association with the river — from discovery to a way of love and life. This a part of a long and continuing story.

By Capt. Don Sanders
Special to NKyTribune

It’s week three of the Coronavirus Pandemic as far as this column is concerned. The river passenger cruise lines, tightly shuttered, will remain that way until further notice. The American Queen Steamboat Company, according to one boat buff, offered the AMERICAN QUEEN for isolating military personnel returning from questionable overseas assignments. Other than the original suggestion, nothing more’s been heard about that idea. Outside my bedroom window, the rhythm of straining diesel engines tells me that the towboats are faithfully carrying out their assigned tasks of shoving long tows of barges loaded to the waterline with vital supplies for cities further up the Ohio River.

The American Queen Steamboat Company, according to one boat buff, offered the AMERICAN QUEEN for isolating military personnel returning from questionable overseas assignments.

Across from the LUCKY LADY ferryboat connecting Rising Sun, Indiana and Rabbit Hash, Kentucky, at Mile 506, the General Store and the other shops in the “Hash” remain dark. Yet residents complain of crowds milling about in the street instead of staying home and exercising “social distancing,” as requested by the authorities. Some say that’s the draw the small community has on those who find comfort within the confines of what many call “the Center of the Universe.”

There’s been a raft of jokes going around, lately, about toilet paper, or “tarlet peppers,” as folks down in Shanty Landing, Alabama, where my SUN*FISH moored for many years, consider a luxury now that the pages of the Sears Catalog, once an outhouse mainstay, no longer come to them in the government mail. Ironically, a series of TV commercials made in the 1950s for Charmin bathroom tissue featuring Mrs. Letha Greene, formerly the owner of the legendary Steamer DELTA QUEEN and the matriarch of the Greene Line Steamers, Inc., the parent company of the QUEEN and other renown steamboats, are again getting air time on social media. Mrs. Greene, a most gracious and sophisticated lady, is heard to say, once more, in her refined and modulated manner as she touts toilet tissue aboard a mock-up of the DELTA QUEEN:

Across from the LUCKY LADY ferryboat connecting Rising Sun, Indiana and Rabbit Hash, Kentucky, at Mile 506, the General Store and the other shops in the “Hash” remain dark. (Photo by Gerald Pollett)

“After thirty-five years on the river, I should know what these folks want. The homey comfort of good towels, for instance, the softest, most comfortable kind. And famous bathroom tissue. So I’ve ordered Charmin for years.”

After the COVID-19 scare simmers down, it might behoove Proctor & Gamble, another Cincinnati firm like the Greene Line Steamers was for so many years, and the makers of Charmin, to re-release the ads featuring the gracious Mrs. Greene, the “First Lady of Steamboating,” once again. I know I would forsake Scott tissue if they would.

Across the broad Atlantic Ocean in Berlin, the capital city of Germany, musician Edward James Gay VI, the scion of the notable Gay family of New Orleans, once the owners of my favorite steamboat of the “Golden Age” on the Mississippi River, the elegant EDWARD J. GAY, announced the prospect for filming a video of his tune, “The Burning of the J. M. WHITE.”  James added, “ Assuming, of course, the Corona scare will long since be over.”

I must admit that I am a sucker for neat-looking, but affordable, steamboat memorabilia sold on eBay. Just over a week ago, I could not resist negotiating for an embroidered “patch” depicting the DELTA QUEEN blowing “paisley” smoke from its stack. Though the circular insignia was never an official decoration on any company uniform I am aware of; it was still a popular item sold in the gift shop for many decades.

Hundreds, if not thousands of the patches were likely purchased and distributed as far and wide as DELTA QUEEN passengers ranged. Though the item was modestly priced, the seller offered potential buyers an opportunity to make an offer. That said, my suggestions ranged from the ridiculous to the acceptable. After I became the new owner, I waited for the patch to arrive eventually.

Ironically, a series of TV commercials made in the 1950s for Charmin bathroom tissue featuring Mrs. Letha Greene, formerly the owner of the legendary Steamer DELTA QUEEN and the matriarch of the Greene Line Steamers, Inc., is again getting air time on social media.

Within a week, a business-sized envelope arrived in the mailbox address to my son Jesse who often uses my eBay account with enough frequency that his name appears as an alternate recipient. By then, I’d forgotten about expecting the eBay purchase. But as the envelope contained a Utah return address, neither Jesse or I would open it with so much fear of the Corona Virus going around. Just before we were about to slip the envelope into the trash can, my wife Peggy was the one brave-enough to rip it open. As she did, a circular impression from something concealed within a folded sheet of typing paper caused additional alarm. Carefully, with the help of a kitchen spatula, Peggy unfolded the flap of the paper to discover the round, embroidered DELTA QUEEN patch. I neglected to note where the seller lived, and as we knew no one from Utah, we enacted a silly drama that gave us a hearty laugh after the excitement was over.    

This past week found me aboard the CLYDE only once. Although Lighthouse Point Yacht Club is all but abandoned during the winter, the marina seems unusually empty and caused me to wonder about the health of the older owners of the “floating plastic palaces” sharing the same covered dock with my boat. Jesse, who accompanied me, commented, “Can’t you just feel the difference in the air?”

Musician Edward James Gay VI, the scion of the notable Gay family of New Orleans, once the owners of my favorite steamboat of the “Golden Age” on the Mississippi River, the elegant EDWARD J. GAY, announced the prospect for filming a video of his tune, “The Burning of the J. M. WHITE.” 

I had to agree and added that I have never felt so helpless and generally fearful of the unknown since I was a little boy listening to the solemn voice of H. V. Kaltenborn, broadcasting the evening news on the CBS radio network. Three frightened generations of my family huddled around the upright Zenith in Grandmother Edith’s living room. The mention of the name, H. V. Kaltenborn, still sends shivers down my spine eight decades later.

Not until more time passes, will we know in which direction the COVID-19 Virus will go. Will it continue to get worse? And now, I hear to expect this “novel” disease to become a regular, seasonal illness. Without a vaccine, the situation will undoubtedly become as Captain Ernest E. Wagner best described, “It’s Katie bar the door!”  Or, as another steamboat man of Wagner’s era often added when no other words would do, “Let’s wait and see what happens.”

Those old-timers always had a stock expression ready to fit the situation no matter how grave the atmosphere seemed.

Captain Don Sanders is a river man. He has been a riverboat captain with the Delta Queen Steamboat Company and with Rising Star Casino. He learned to fly an airplane before he learned to drive a “machine” and became a captain in the USAF. He is an adventurer, a historian, and a storyteller. Now, he is a columnist for the NKyTribune and will share his stories of growing up in Covington and his stories of the river. Hang on for the ride — the river never looked so good.

Carefully, with the help of a kitchen spatula, Peggy unfolded the flap of the paper to discover the round, embroidered DELTA QUEEN patch.

I have never felt so helpless and generally fearful of the unknown since I was a little boy listening to the solemn voice of H. V. Kaltenborn, broadcasting the evening news on the CBS radio network.

As Captain Ernest E. Wagner best described, “It’s Katie bar the door!” (Photo by Bill Muster)