The holidays can be the most stressful time of the year for many people. The National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) found in a 2014 survey that 24% of people who have a diagnosed mental health disorder find the holidays make their condition “a lot” worse and another 40% find it “somewhat” worse.
Approximately 75% of the respondents reported that the holidays contributed to their feeling sad, 66% experienced loneliness and 63% felt there was too much pressure.
In my experience the major cause of difficult feelings during this time of the year are expectations – the ones we put on ourselves and the ones which other people put on us. Shopping and gift-giving, making the rounds of parties and family gatherings and the overall hustle and bustle can easily turn anyone into a Scrooge.
Here are some thoughts and tips for making the best of this time of year:
• Set boundaries. What do YOU need and want during this time? Are there things that you know will trigger sadness or stress or anxiety that you can avoid or minimize? Give your needs a priority as you make plans or respond to requests from others. Share responsibilities for planning or carrying out activities when you can.
Whayne Herriford
• The holiday season doesn’t magically make sadness or loneliness disappear. If you are missing someone this year can you do something to ‘symbolically’ include them in your plans? Be careful not to isolate yourself from others and try not to medicate your feelings in ways that are not helpful to you overall. Spend time with people who are supportive and caring.
• Be careful with excesses! It’s easy to get into a mode where we’re spending too much or eating too much or drinking too much. Set a budget for spending and stick to it. Use a designated driver or rideshare if you plan on drinking.
• Do something for someone else. Try volunteering some time to help others. It feels good to do something that helps someone else out. There are also lots of things that you can do that are inexpensive or free – so don’t think it’s going to cost a lot to spend time with others.
• When someone isn’t very nice, try to assume best intent. Salespeople, other shoppers, and family members may express their feelings in ways that don’t feel good to you. When appropriate, try to remember that the frustration is about them and not you. If you can smile and say thank you to people and not engage with them the way, they approached you you’ll find that it’s a lot easier for you (and might help them calm down too!)
This is a time of year where it’s very important to set and maintain boundaries for what you want and need and to express them to others. As I tell clients all the time, there are no “shoulds” or “musts” in life: whatever it is that works best for you is perfectly ok — as long as it’s healthy and appropriate.
Whayne Herriford, MS, LPCC is a licensed professional clinical counselor in the state of Kentucky and practices in both NKY and Cincinnati. He lives in Bellevue. This column is intended to provide general information to people about mental health-related issues and is not for diagnostic or treatment purposes. You should always consult with a mental health professional when you have concerns about thoughts or feelings. If you have any specific questions you would like him to address in a future article you can contact him at whayneherriford@gmail.com.
