A whole lot of life changes seems to happen just as we hit that midpoint in our life — empty nests, menopause, affairs, workplace unhappiness, …etc., compelling many of us to make major changes in our lives as we seek happiness to fill the voids in our lives.
Some of us rush out to buy motorcycles, red Corvettes, order up face-lifts, Botox injections and tubby tucks; while others will focus on more healthy endeavors by losing weight and exercising more.
A true midlife crisis occurs when overwhelming anxiety about aging combines with a person’s biological and psychological changes, resulting in an emotional crisis of identity and self-confidence. While this convergence of such events often times wreaks havoc on some, but does not lead to an emotional meltdown for all.
Mark Dunn, one of my closest friends from my high schools days, recently resigned as the head minister at a local church to begin finishing working on his bucket list that he started back when he was approaching the age of 50. His list has included mission’s trip to India, Africa and China, driving a Ferraris, Lamborghini, Rolls Royce, and even a Sprint Car driving 140 MPH on the KY Speedway track.
He has seen the Great Wall of China, flown a plane, ridden in a helicopter, played golf in Scotland and Africa, swam with great white sharks off the coast of Africa, watched cobras in India, skydived, driven motorcycles in in Israel, Scotland, India and China and once took a trip with me to Green Bay, the Mecca of football, to watch a Packers game.
He was even once kicked out of the tomb of the popes by the Vatican security.
With the growing concern about potential terrorist attacks and with claim of tens of thousands of anti-Trump protestors waiting for us, Mark was the one friend who was the most gung-ho about taking a guy’s trip up to the Washington D.C. Presidential Inauguration this past January.
Mark is the perfect case study for this article where many will find his adventures to be inspiring, while others like me, a self-proclaimed riskologist working as a professional safety and risk management professional just watch in amazement calculating the risks and wondering what the over and under may be for his survival for his next adventures.
I won’t go into all the near-misses we had in his 1979 Oldsmobile Cutlass back in high school, but I will say that his risk tolerance is far greater than mine — and I sometimes question mine when I hop on my motorcycle to cruise the back country road of the Horse Capital of the World for a little stress relief.
Many men and women go through midlife crisis in an effort to recapture their lost youth after waking up in their 40’s to see themselves scurrying through life in a flurry of day to day activities with very little focus on their happiness, with their noses to the grindstone being responsible and predictable.
Many happen to wake up without any tangible or noticeable life accomplishments to speak of, realizing that the second half has begun and they are down by a double digits; and that is where it all begins.
Many form a bucket list and start making “out-of-the-box” decisions. The list is there to remind the midlifer what’s really important to them so that they can begin to act on them. To some the objective of creating the list is to instill some kind of a race against time or to create aversion toward death.
Many of these midlifers that create bucket lists live by goals or to-do lists, which are often times framed within a certain social context e.g. performance, career, health.
When they form a bucket list, it opens up the perspective where it becomes an opportunity to reach way outside their comfort zone where they can chose to do anything or everything that they ever wanted to do — however big, small or random that it might be. For some it can be an incredibly insightful exercise, but often times this list is not for the risk adverse.
The whole point of creating the list is to generate excitement, adventure and exploration for their inner sole to live life to the fullest, but this often times comes with extreme risk which can end terribly.
For decades many men experiencing a midlife crisis have ran out and purchased motorcycles, to infuse that “Easy Rider” mentality where they are named Bambis or Born Again Middle-aged Bikers. I suspect that this is because motorcycles are associated with youthful rebellion. But far too often this decision ends horribly as statics show that there is a significant increase motorcycle fatal accidents involving men in their 40s, 50s and 60s.
Nearly half of the motorcycle riders are killed were age 40 and older, and nearly a quarter were older than 50.
Unlike my buddy Mark, as I have aged, I have become more risk-adversed, and have opted for a less risky adventures, for instance one of my midlife crisis decisions was to begin writing this weekly column back in 2012. But two years prior to that, I must admit that after a 25 year gap of owning a motorcycle back in my college days, I purchased a motorcycle that was probably fueled by a small mid-life crisis.
I prefer to use the term “Midlife Awakening,” but either way I am now seriously considering selling my motorcycle after a recent tragic motorcycle accident that occurred at the entrance of my neighborhood a few weeks ago.
The night it occurred, my daughter called me in a panic after happening upon the accident; and then shortly after that several of my friends called, messaged or texted me all night long thinking that it was me because they had seen a couple of pictures on Facebook of me riding the day before when the weather had turned warm.
Even a police officer friend of mine, Todd McClure, working traffic for that tragic accident, paused to run the plates hoping that it wasn’t me that evening.
So if you are starting to experience an midlife awakening, as your appointed riskologist consultant I would advise against teaming up with my buddy, Mark Dunn, and I would avoid running with the bulls, parasailing, paragliding, bungee-jumping, skydiving, mountain climb, Base jumping, hand gliding and even tornado chasing.
Instead I would recommend these less risk adverse bucket list items to consider:
Travel
Learn A New Language
Lose Weight
Try a New Profession
Run A Marathon
Mentor A Young Professional
Volunteer
Go On A Missionary Trip
Learn To Dance
Become A Public Speaker
Forgive Somebody
Coach A Youth Team
Write A Book
Learn To Speak A Language
Makeover
Further Your Education
Play A Musical Instrument
Hike
Conquer A Fear
Start A Small Business
Pursue a Passion
Learn To Surf
Learn To Sail
Flip A House
Be an Extra In A Movie
Perform At An Open Mic Night
Join a sports league
Record A Song
Teach A Class
Snorkel
Ride A Mechanical Bull
Cycle
Learn Photography
Follow Your Favorite Artist or Sports Team From City toCity
Ride A Segway
Learn To Paint
Take A Train Trip
Drive Coast To Coast
Get A Tattoo
Be On A Game Show
Be On A Reality TV Show
Go Ice Fishing
Hike The Appalachian Trail
Be In A Community Play
RV Across America
Be Safe My Friends.
Keven Moore works in risk management services. He has a bachelor’s degree from University of Kentucky, a master’s from Eastern Kentucky University and 25-plus years of experience in the safety and insurance profession. He lives in Lexington with his family and works out of both the Lexington and Northern Kentucky offices. Keven can be reached at kmoore@roeding.com.
